When the other parent misses an exchange

The child first

If you have the child and the other parent does not arrive, stay put for a reasonable window if it is safe, then go home. Tell the child a boring sentence: the plan changed, they are safe, you will sort the adult part.

If you are the one waiting and the child does not arrive, call once. Then write the times. Do not chase through the other house unless a professional says there is danger.

Write five facts

• What was scheduled: date, time, place.
• When you arrived.
• How long you waited.
• Any message you sent or received.
• Where the child slept that night.

The message

Send one factual note on the official channel if you have one. “I was at the library from 5:28 to 5:52. No pickup. Maya is at my house tonight.” Then stop.

What not to do

Do not withhold the next visit as punishment unless an order or a professional tells you the child is unsafe. Do not film the other parent for leverage. Do not make the child narrate what happened for a recording.

A pattern vs a one-off

One late pickup is a note. A month of no-shows is a list. The list is what counsel or a court can use. The speech you wrote in the car is not.

Questions

How long should I wait?

There is no universal number. Fifteen to thirty minutes is a common window if it is safe. Write the actual minutes you waited.

Should I call the police?

Call if the child is missing or you believe they are in danger. A late pickup by itself is usually a record, not a 911 event. Follow local guidance if you are unsure.

What if they say traffic every time?

Write the stated reason and the actual arrival. You do not need to argue about traffic in the thread.